Week 11 Spread 'em: The IN-N-OUT Challenge

Before we get to the picks there’s some business to take care of.

First off, my desktop is back up and running so you will see more frequent posts around here. I apologize for slacking off while it was in the shop and I’ll try to make up for it over the next few weeks. That being said, if anyone out there is interested in coming aboard, writing for TPS and having your opinions read by at least tens of people, shoot me an email and we’ll set something up.

Also, if you can’t get enough of me, I recently stumbled across a great opportunity and reached an agreement with Matthew Cerrone at MetsBlog (after a short trial period, he offered to let me write for free and I eagerly accepted) to join as a beat blogger during the hot stove season and hopefully well into the future.

…Now back to your regularly scheduled column…

Durden returns from Atlantic City in one piece which has led to an extra long post as I apparently disregarded the fact that he'd be back and continued to write a short novel for several games. But where else can you get a combined 600 words or so on that enticing Dolphins/Eagles matchup!

Last week, I was above .500 for the 4^th consecutive week and gained another game on Durden to cut his lead to 7 cheeseburgers. That should mean this will be a particularly disappointing one as he's scheduled to fly out here for the Ravens game Thanksgiving weekend where I’ll have to settle up what’s owed at the time. But, with 7 games different this week, I do have slim hope to get back to even just in time. So, on to the picks.

Click Clack.

San Diego Chargers @ Jacksonville Jaguars -3
Mazzone: Before the 2006 draft there was a lot of talk that Antonio Cromartie would drop way down the draft boards due to being out of football for a year after a torn ACL. Prior to the draft, I was praying for him to fall so the Dolphins (who were, and still are in desperate need of DB’s) could snag him in the 3^rd round.

Unfortunately, just 3 picks after Miami took Jason Allen at pick 16 in the first round, the Chargers ignored the expert’s warnings and picked based on what they saw of Cromartie prior to his injury, and at his pre draft workout. Smart move – aside from the highlight reel plays in recent weeks, he’s just an incredible athlete with the perfect physical attributes to be a successful CB. As long as he’s not a complete idiot, he should progress into a top CB.

The cross country flight, David Garrard’s return to the lineup, and the win over the Titans last week make this pick tough, but I still like the Chargers.
Pick: Chargers +3

Durden: While it’s tough for me to forget Jacksonville’s loss two weeks ago against the Saints, it’s even more difficult for me to forget San Diego’s loss two weeks ago against Adrian Peterson. Of course, the Jags also followed it up with an impressive win vs the Titans, while the Chargers barely beat a banged up Colts team. When you only win by two at home, despite intercepting the opposing QB six times and getting two special teams TDs, you didn’t win the game. The other team lost it.
Pick: Jaguars -3

Kansas City Chiefs @ Indianapolis Colts -14.5
Mazzone: I’ve been wavering between two schools of thought on this one. The first: Peyton without Dallas Clark, Marvin Harrison, Anthony Gonzalez, and a couple key pieces of the offensive line becomes human, and the loss of Dwight Freeney certainly won’t help matters, making 14.5 points A LOT to give.

The other side is that the Colts should have won on the road against the Chargers, despite the special teams giving away a boatload of points and Peyton throwing six INTs. Neither of which will come close to happening again. So, therefore they should have no problem covering against the Brodie Croyle led Chiefs, right?
Pick: Colts -14.5

Durden: Peyton proved against the Pats that he clearly STILL can not win a big game, and we saw his resulting hangover last week. I don’t want to hear about how he’s missing multiple offensive tackles and only has one healthy receiver, because it’s his job to figure out how to best use the strengths of Bryan Fletcher and Craven Moorehead. However, I do think the Colts will win in spite of all of Manning’s inadequacies, I’m just not sure they’ll cover.

Brodie Croyle does face a daunting task in his first game as a starter, when you consider they’re traveling to Indy and will have to deal with all the fake noise. Unfortunately for them, the Patriots must have the best evidence and tapes to prove noise-gate, but I’m guessing they’re refusing to submit it to the league. Therefore, I expect the Chiefs to come in with a very conservative game plan, and keep this one close enough.
Pick: Chiefs +14.5


Oakland Raiders @ Minnesota Vikings -5.5
Mazzone: From the meaningless but really fun stat department, I give you this gem. Over the last 12 seasons, scorned QB’s are an astounding 40-7 in games against their former teams. Daunte is likely getting the nod this week in Minnesota, and they won’t have to face Adrian Peterson – so that bodes well for the Raiders. But, Chester Taylor is no slouch and should be able to produce behind that offensive line against one of the league’s worst run defenses. I also like the VIkes defense to rattle Culpepper and take a fumble or pick to the house. Daunte got his revenge against the Dolphins earlier this year, he’ll have to settle for that.
Pick: MIN -5.5

Durden: This Raiders team continues to just hang in games, and I don’t see why this game will be any different. As for Minnesota, I probably won’t have very much to say about the Vikings until Adrian Peterson returns. They’re terrible, but it appears they’re at least having a good time and it seems pretty harmless to me. Hey, if you can’t fly prostitutes in from around the country to perform sex acts on a boat, what can you do??
Pick: Raiders +5.5


Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens +3
Mazzone: Durden is excited about McNair all but admitting he’s got nothing left and is a big reason for the Ravens’ struggles. While I agree, he’s been finished for awhile, I also think the Ravens have issues beyond the QB position. Home underdogs to the Browns? The Browns hanging with the Steelers last week was a mirage (see below), but the times they are a changin’…
Pick: Browns -3

Durden: I’ve always said that if the Ravens are to go 1-15, the game they HAVE to win (for me), is the home game vs the Browns. There is reason to be slightly optimistic too, as Stevie Wonder was finally demoted due to an “injury” to his non-throwing shoulder. That’s funny because not only is Kurt Warner playing with a similar injury, but can anyone even tell which shoulder is McNair’s “throwing” shoulder at this point?? However, there’s really not reason for even the biggest fan to have faith at this point, until they show even the slightest signs of life. As much as I hate to admit it, these are not last year’s Browns.

Promoting Kyle Boller is a decision that was well overdue, and yet it’s not likely to make a significant difference given the current injury situation. The Ravens definitely are not the only team that has suffered multiple injuries to key players, but coming into this season, they simply were not prepared to handle that and it’s showing. The opening-night secondary of Rolle, cornerback Chris McAlister, free safety Ed Reed and strong safety Dawan Landry has not started since Sept. 16 against the New York Jets. That’s a big problem against Cleveland, who has excelled passing the ball this season.

It’s also unfortunate that the Ravens now lost Demetrius Williams to an injury, as Boller could actually reach him down the field, though it may not have mattered with the way Billick’s mismanaged the offense.

If I could be wrong about any one pick this year, I hope it’s this one.
Pick: Browns -3

Pittsburgh Steelers @ New York Jets +9.5
Mazzone: The Steelers were on the receiving end of the “eff you, Madden game” last week…and won. To recap: The Browns totaled just 163 yards of offense and 76 of those came on their longest drive of the season and first of the game (yep, that means they had 87 yards of offense during the remaining 51 minutes of the game and still scored 28 points). Pittsburgh fell behind early, 21-6, thanks in part to a big kick return, a red zone interception, this RIDICULOUS TD catch by Braylon Edwards, and the aforementioned drive that the Browns probably won’t duplicate again for the rest of the year.

Even so, the Steelers battled back with 18 unanswered points and managed to take the lead in the fourth quarter 24-21, at least for a second anyway. Then, Joshua Cribbs (who tallied over 200 return yards ) took the ensuing kick to the house, which he somehow managed to pick up at the goal-line, hop over and slide by five would be tacklers inside his own five yard line, keep his balance and stay in-bounds despite sprinting along the sideline and having his shoulder nearly ripped off. That’s the point I would have thrown the controller.

Only two things kept the Browns from miraculously finishing off the eff you game. A holding call on another nice Cribbs return which would have put them in great shape for a potential game winning FG drive, and Phil Dawson coming up just short on the eventual 52 yard attempt.

Oh yea, something about the Jets…they suck.
Pick: Steely McBeam -9.5

Durden: My only real thought about this game, is how Pittsburgh isn’t favored by double digits. Mangini is proving to be more Mangina than Mangenius, and I don’t think the bye week or home-field advantage will be of much help on Sunday.
Pick: Steelers -9.5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Atlanta Falcons +3
Mazzone: A Falcons win would put them a game out of first. I’ll have none of that. The Bucs remaining schedule should be just bad enough to win them the division and earn them the right to be double digit underdogs against their first round playoff opponent.
Pick: Bucs -3

Durden: This one seems fairly simple. While Atlanta coming off consecutive victories would appear to be impressive, it’s been far from convincing against two of the league’s worst teams right now. Tampa Bay will not only be well prepared for this game, but they’re better on both sides of the ball, than anything Atlanta’s seen in about a month.
Pick: Bucs -3

Arizona Cardinals @ Cincinnati Bengals -3
Music is my boyfriend
Music is my girlfriend

Music is my dead end
Music is my imaginary friend

Music is my brother
Music is my great-grand-daughter

Music is my sister
Music is my favorite mistress

Music is my beach house
Music is my hometown
Music is my king-size bed
Music is my hot hot bath
Music is my hot hot sex
Music is my back rub

Music is where I'd like you to touch.

Enjoy that for the rest of your day and all weekend.
Pick: Bengals -3

Durden: I didn’t think the Lions would struggle against the Cards last week, let alone lose, so I was definitely impressed by Arizona’s win. That’s more than enough for me to pick them against a Bengals team that is in really bad shape. Let’s just say their win last week against the Ravens was not your typical, 21-7 victory.
Pick: Cardinals +3


Miami Dolphins @ Philadelphia Eagles -10
Mazzone: It was a tough loss to the Bills, but you can’t blame Miami for looking ahead to the Eagles.

The John Beck Era is officially upon us and Ricky Williams is back – it doesn’t get much more exciting for the winless Dolphins! I am genuinely excited to get a look at Beck, although I’m not sure I would have made his first games AT Philly and Monday Night AT Pittsburgh. If Cam Cam was going to protect him this long, why throw him to those wolves now? Curious decision (I would have started him last week – Bills at home, or two weeks from now- Jets at home), but I’m anxious to see what he’s got, so let's do it.

As for Ricky’s return (I’ve always been and will always be Pro- Ricky Williams), I’m trying to figure out who would trade for him and what kind of value he’d have since there’s no logical reason for the Dolphins to hang onto him longer than the rest of this season to showcase him.

Maybe the Packers after making a run this year think they are a RB away and Favre talks them into it? Though completely unreasonable, it’d be really fun if he went to any of the following:

Eagles – McNabb heading out the door, and the fans booing the decision to draft Donovan over Ricky, it’d be a nice happy ending
Bears – Cedric Benson would probably cry
Denver – where they support his habits

Who am I kidding? He’ll probably end up with the Patriots for a fourth round pick and run for 2500 yards.

As for this week, sorry Eagles fans, but the Dolphins are the best 0-9 team in the NFL right now and John Beck has never lost his first ever NFL game.
Pick: Miami +10

Durden: I’m not big on moral victories, but I would think the Dolphins must draw some inspiration from at least remaining competitive, despite not having won a game yet. In fact, I was set to pick Miami to cover this week until they made the switch at QB to John Beck. I’m just not sure Beck’s first NFL action should’ve come on the road, against the Eagles and their blitz-happy defense, even if he is the league’s oldest rookie QB I can remember since Chris Weinke.

I was still a little unsure though, I was looking for some reassurance and definitely did not come across anything helpful. Instead, I came across a few of good quotes that tell me neither team really deserves to be favored by 10.

First, Eagles’ TE LJ Smith, what are your thoughts going into this game? "Right now I'm looking at being on another team," said Smith, Wow, OK. How about you, Joey Porter? You’re probably not qualified to be speaking on the Ricky Williams situation, having just joined the team, but what do you think since you’ll just tell us anyways? "Yeah, I would. We're 0-9," linebacker Joey Porter told the Miami Herald. "I'd welcome bin Laden if he could run the ball like Ricky did." Finally, John Madden, anything we should know about Philadelphia that we may not already know? “Rocky has muscles in places you don’t have muscles.” –John Madden

Anyway, I’m going to stick with Philly, mainly because Mazzone will be hosting my trip to Cali next week and this should subtract a burger in the standings.
Pick: Eagles -10

*Editors Note: I don’t want your stinkin’ charity, beotch! Besides, everyone knows there’s no way in hell you’d concede an IN-N-OUT cheeseburger if you really felt that way about the game.


New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills +16
Mazzone: JP Losman and Dwayne Wright will be in the backfield for the Bills who are fresh off their dominating three point escape in Miami. Wright was the Bills 4^th round pick (111^th overall) out of Fresno State where he was second team ALL-WAC in 2006 . That’s all I know about him, because that’s all that’s really on his Wikipedia page. The line could be 30, and I’d be hard pressed to find a good reason take the Bills.
Pick: Patriots -16

Durden: The only concern here is the possibility of New England being a little quicker to take their foot off the accelerator, now that they have a two game lead in the AFC. Otherwise, how can you like the Bills to keep this close (especially without Marshawn Lynch), while the Patriots are coming off a bye?
Pick: Patriots -16


Washington Redskins @ Dallas Cowboys -10.5
Mazzone: Big win for Big D last week that solidifies their hold on the NFC East and now they come back to three straight home games that should continue to pad their lead, starting with the Redskins. I can’t really decide how to feel about the ‘skins, which makes sense since they’re about a .500 team and should finish that way. I like the Cowboys to win and for it to feel like a comfortable win, but think the Redskins get a meaningless score late in the game for the cover.
Pick: Redskins +10.5

Durden: The only real hope Washington has in this game, is overconfidence on Dallas’ part after last week’s big victory. Clinton Portis has been a man possessed of late, but it may not matter if the Cowboys come out strong against a Washington secondary that should be overwhelmed without Sean Taylor and Carlos Rogers. I think that’s a highly likely scenario, yet even if it doesn’t play out that way, the Redskins will find that running against Dallas is far tougher than running against Philly or the Jets.
Pick: Cowboys -10.5

New Orleans Saints @ Houston Texans -1
Mazzone: Just when I thought the Saints were headed for the playoffs, they fall flat on their face at home against the Rams. That’s completely unacceptable and warrants an automatic benching in my weekly picks, regardless of the opponent.

Besides, the Texans get Andre Johnson back and though he’s not 100 percent, that Saints secondary couldn’t stop him at 50%, let’s take a look at WR’s numbers against New Orleans this year.

Reggie Wayne/Marvin Harrison: 198 yards 3 TDs
Joey Galloway/Ike Hilliard: 186 yards, 2 TDs
Brandon Jones/Roydell Williams: 110 yards, TD (also Vince Young’s only game with two TD passes)
Steve Smith/Keary Colbert: 121 Yards, TD
Bobby Engram/Ben Obamanu/Nate Burleson: 255 yards, 2 TDs
Roddy White/Michael Jenkins: 179 yards, TD
Reggie Williams/John Broussard: 199 yards, TD
Torry Holt/Isaac Bruce: 186 yards, TD

They did sorta shut down the 49ers “passing game”, if you can call it that. Vernon Davis had 71 yards and a TD, but no receiver (the likes of Billy Gilmore and Arnaz Battle) had more than 25 yards.

If you’re still not getting the hint, start Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter, Andre Davis, and any other Texan that’s eligible to start at WR/TE for your fantasy teams this week.
Pick: Texans -1

Durden: Anyone else surprised that ESPN hasn’t done more to lamely spin this as Reggie Bush vs Mario Williams? Well, as promised a couple of weeks ago, the success the Saints were enjoying was indeed a product of its schedule. The problem here is that I have no idea what to make of the Texans right now. While I think New Orleans will definitely put up at least 20 points, Houston could prevail in a shootout or get blown out, and neither outcome would surprise me. Since I’m already bracing for the “Reggie Bush’s Eff You Game to Houston,” I’ll take New Orleans.
Pick: Saints +1


Carolina Panthers @ Green Bay Packers -9.5
Mazzone: I wish this were true. Anyway...I’m borrowing Durden’s Brett Favre Slurping Award this week and handing it out to Brad Evans over at Yahoo! - “Because Brett Favre wears comfortable jeans, never has heartburn and sports a Bowflex-chiseled body, it's safe to assume he'll average close to 300 yards and two touchdowns per game during the most crucial weeks of the season.”
Pick: Packers -9.5

Durden: Carolina’s another team I have almost no desire to talk about, nor do I really care to figure out how they got so bad, so fast. I know it’s tough to overcome the Vinny Carr Experiment at QB, but it’s not like anyone was really enamored with Delhomme coming into the season. To make matters worse, Steve Smith hasn’t practiced yet this week and he’s probably the only guy for Carolina who still gives a shit.
Pick: Packers -9.5

New York Giants @ Detroit Lions +3
Mazzone: Detroit got brought back down to earth last week and now they have a difficult schedule the rest of the way. I don’t think the Lions know this game is more important for them than the Giants, and they are probably looking forward to the Favre matchup on Thanksgiving. I think Eli Manning is in for a big day and the Giants bounce back nicely.
Pick: Giants -3

Durden: I know Detroit’s defense has overachieved thus far this season, but their offense is what had me believing coming into the season and it’s been pretty mediocre. As I mentioned before, their loss to Arizona was surprising and I’m going to give the edge to New York in this game. There’s quite a bit I’m not sure about, but I know the Lions are very good at allowing Kitna to get sacked, and the Giants are equally adept at sacking opposing QBs.
Pick: Giants -3

St. Louis Rams @ San Francisco 49ers +2.5
Mazzone: Ever get that creepy Déjà vu feeling? San Francisco and Miami appear to be headed for 1-2 draft position again (as in 2005), though the Dolphins have the inside track on the first pick this time. Remember when the Niners were everyone’s bandwagon pick this year, what happened to that? Rams were unlucky the first time these two met, it won’t happen again.
Pick: Rams -2.5

Durden: Hey, where are all those Steven Jackson commercials I was complaining about earlier this season? The man’s throwing TDs now!
Pick: Rams -2.5

Chicago Bears @ Seattle Seahawks -5.5
Mazzone: The Bears are Bringin’ Sexy Back, so the choice here is obvious.
Pick: Seahawks -5.5

Durden: Given their inconsistent nature, it pains me to take Seattle in consecutive weeks but even when the Seahawks try to give this game away, I don’t see the Bears taking it. This win will help Seattle in a few weeks as they back into the playoffs, while Arizona ultimately decides they’d rather not play more than 16 games.
Pick: Seahawks -5.5


Tennessee Titans @ Denver Broncos -2
Mazzone: Vince Young matches up real well with the Broncos as they are a great team to hand the ball off against and not pass at all (Broncos defense is tied with Oakland for last in yards allowed per carry at 4.8).

The Titans are in the top five in both stopping the run and running the football. It should be the perfect recipe for success against this Denver team, but I can’t help but think back to how poorly the defense played a week ago without Albert Haynesworth (166 rushing yards and 3 TDs allowed) and how easy that will make things for Jay Cutler and the Broncos if they can run the ball.
Pick: Broncos -2

Durden: Denver is like Seattle to me, in that I feel both teams are better on paper, and both frustrate me as they insist on underachieving. Therefore, I probably shouldn’t be too surprised that I find myself picking Denver to come out with another win this week as well. Bare with me here, but could it be that it’s actually Albert Haynesworth who just wins football games? It appears he’ll be missing another game for the Titans who will miss him again, and his ability to kickstart the team.
Pick: Broncos -2

If you haven't seen the Cal Marching Band's tribute to video games (tetris, mario bros, zelda, contra, etc...), here it is.



And just because I felt like adding a third video, completely unrelated to anything...

Say Anything - Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too

Week 9 Picks: Spread 'em the In-N-Out Challenge

Last week we learned that both Vince Young (6/14 42 yards, 7 rushes - 11 yards, 1 fumble) AND Quinn Gray (7/16 100 yards, TD, 3 rushes - 0 yards, 1 fumble) just win football games! We also saw both of your TPS writers come in above .500 for the second consecutive week.

Unfortunately, my 7-6 wasn’t even close to enough to keep pace with Durden’s 10-3. His season record is now at a very respectable 60-49-7 and he has a comfortable 10 cheeseburger lead over me.

The good news for me: The Dolphins can’t lose this week and since it’s the biggest event in the history of the entire world, *the Patriots/Colts game will be worth 10 games in the win column

*Note – only applicable if the Colts cover.

Someone told Bill Cowher about the bounty that the guys at KSK put on Tom Brady, hopefully defenders were listening too.

With Miami on a bye, in honor of Durden coming off a 10-3 week, and Baltimore in an important prime time matchup, we're donning Raven purple and black this week.

Alright, let's do it.

Click clack.

WAS @ NYJ +3.5
Mazzone: Not only did the Jets lose Vilma, but last week we saw why it took so long for the Mangina to give up on Pennington. Kellen Clemens against the Bills: 5/12, 67 yards, 2 INTs. It’s not getting any easier.
Pick: Redskins -3.5

Durden: I was appalled that the Patriots would pull Brady from last week’s game, so they could insert Cassel and further embarrass Washington. I really think it’s time to question New England’s sportsmanship if they’re going to continue with those kind of antics. As for the Redskins, I still don’t think they’re a bad football team. I’m willing to forget last week, and while it’s possible that they’re not very good, we KNOW the Jets are awful.
Pick: Redskins -3.5


SF @ ATL -3
Mazzone: Week 8 I mentioned how the Niners should be winless and then went ahead and picked them anyway. What kind of role model would I be to all the kids coming to TPS for gambling advice if I didn’t teach them to learn from their mistakes?
Pick: Falcons -3

Durden: The Falcons seem to be awfully shocked that Grady Jackson was released. Really though? If I worked with a guy who was fat, lazy and suing our company, I don’t know that I’d be very shocked if he got fired. However, while there are obvious concerns that the team may have quit on Joey and Petrino, I’m still going to go with the Falcons. They’re coming off a bye, and more importantly, the 49ers have been that bad.
Pick: Falcons -3

ARI @ TB -3.5
Mazzone: If I wasn’t starting Earnest Graham and Anquan Boldin on my fantasy team this week I’d be perfectly ok with this game not happening. Tampa’s been winning at home, the Cards usually lose on the road, it’s not rocket science but I’m ready to be done with this game so it works for me. In unrelated news, Lance Armstrong is dating Ashley Olsen?! What?! Doesn’t he get depressed when he sees the twins together? Oh right, like you weren’t thinking of your own one testicle joke.
Pick: Bucs -3.5

Durden: I will not pretend to have either of these teams figured out. It’s hard not to like the Cards though, fresh and healthier off the bye, while the Bucs continue to crash back down to Earth. I think these are two teams at/around .500, heading in opposite directions, that will both end up at .500 Told you I haven’t figured them out.
Pick: Cardinals +3.5


GB @ KC -2.5
Mazzone: What the hell is this? I hate when I see a line like this, I feel like Vegas knows the game is fixed. The 6-1 Packers are underdogs against the 4-3 Chiefs that have allowed more points than they scored and have one mildly impressive win to their resume (the Chargers were a different team back then, but I'll count it anyway). I’m going to be so annoyed when the Chiefs win.
Pick: Packers +2.5

Durden: Good news Packer haters! I’ve been pretty accurate about GB this season, even predicting the spin on last week’s victory, with ESPN literally praising Favre’s “magic” in their Tuesday morning headline. After all, his 82yd throw-and-catch to himself for the game-winning TD in OT was mighty impressive. However, this week I actually feel good about the Packers slipping up. The Chiefs are at home, off the bye, and the Pack is simply due to not get all the breaks in a game.

Finally, the winner of this week’s Worst Brett Favre Slurping Award goes to ESPN’s John Clayton. It was a tough week with the Packers being on MNF, and the award would have gone to Tony Kornheiser for his pre-game introduction, but he was disqualified because it was so long that it wouldn’t fit on this site. Therefore, Clayton prevailed over his media brethren with the following: “For those wondering about Favre, the gunslinger is still packing.” Um, thanks John. Pick: Chiefs -2.5


CIN @ BUF PK
Mazzone: As excited as I was that the Bills finally completed their go-to play that I outlined earlier in the year (Losman blind heave to Lee Evans, hope he comes down with it and out runs everyone), I still can’t back J.P. Losman’s impeachment of Trent Edwards.
Pick: Bengals PK

Durden: I can’t believe it’s come to this for the Bengals. The only thing that surprised me more than this game being a pick’em, was that I then started to give it thought, before actually settling on the Bills. TJ Houshmandzadeh sums it up pretty well:

Trailing 14-3 to the Steelers last week, the Bengals drove to a 4th and 1 from just inside the 2yd line with 2:16 left in the first half. They needed about 2 feet. They looked like they were going to go for it and then Lewis called time-out to talk about it. Then he sent in the field goal unit. The players were understandably shocked. "It's like telling a kid he can have some candy and then saying, 'Um, not right now,' " wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh said. “That's why they're 5-2 and we're 2-5. Good teams put it in the end zone. Teams like us kick field goals."

Meanwhile, the Bills players are getting what they want, which is Losman back in at QB. Ordinarily, I could care less, but I’m excited that he’s back after they tried to bench him to avoid paying him bonuses. It has all the makings of something Buffalo will rally around, for the win.
Pick: Bills PK


SD @ MIN +7
Mazzone: America’s Team is on fire right now and not even Major Dad benching Tarvaris Jackson, feeding the ball to Purple Jesus, or signing Jeff George could stop them.
Pick: Chargers -7

Durden: We’ve told you the Vikings can’t stop the pass. You really think they’re going to stop Vincent Jackson and company from coming into town and doing some serious damage? Let’s be serious. Plus, Minnesota still hasn’t convinced people they can score, or even utilize AD properly. This spread should be higher.
Pick: Chargers -7


DEN @ DET -3
Mazzone: A heartbreaker on Monday Night Favre for the Broncos, but they shouldn’t have expected anything less. Cutler makes just enough plays each game to make you think he could be really good. That should be no different against a Lions pass defense giving up roughly 260 yards a game in the air. Of course, the flip side is that Jay The Snake makes his fair share of awful decisions/passes that leave you shaking your head. I was all set to pick the Lions thanks to winning the turnover battle, at least until Kitna APOLOGIZED for being funny and having a hilarious Halloween costume. I bet Jay Cutler has balls, at least.
Pick: Broncos +3

Durden: I’ve liked this Lions team, and that was before I found out they had a sense of humor. No, I’m not referring to them pouring Gatorade on Rod Marinelli after they beat the Bucs last week (true story, by the way). I’m talking about Jon Kitna’s Halloween costume this year. All jokes aside, I made up my mind a few weeks ago and decided I wouldn’t be fooled by the Broncos any longer. In fact, I’d even recommend the Lions to those of you still alive in Survivor/Survival pools, as most of you have probably burned the Chargers by now.
Pick: Lions -3


CAR @ TEN -4
Mazzone: The Panthers haven’t lost on the road this season. Vince Young hasn’t lost…ever.
Pick: Vince Young -4

Durden: This one’s a no-brainer, and it has nothing to do with Vince Young. Not only are the Panthers unsettled on who their QB is, but once they make up their mind, it’s either going to be David Carr or Vinny Testaverde. Making matters worse, if Carolina decides to force the run, they’ll be doing so against the league’s top-rated run defense. Somehow, the Panthers have lost every game at home, and are undefeated on the road. I can’t imagine that disturbing truth will continue to hold true after Sunday.
Pick: Titans -4


JAC @ NO -3.5
Mazzone: This’ll be a good test for the Saints offense to see if they are actually back or were just preying on weak teams. I mentioned how the Jags D was playing well, but hadn’t been forcing turnovers. Last week, they were able to intercept Jeff Garcia three times at critical moments to fend off the Bucs and overcome the handicap that is Quinn Gray. Should be a nice little game, and I’m excited for the continued re-emergence of Hofstra, even though he annihilated my fantasy team last week.
Pick: Saints -3.5

Durden: We let you down picking against the Jags in week 8, but the Saints came through as they continued to look good against bad teams. I maintain that they’ll trick people into getting excited, and this could actually be their most difficult game left on the schedule seriously, look. I really don’t know what to make of this game, so I’m going to pick against Quinn Gray on the road again. I also don’t think Brees will give Jacksonville the game this week, as Jeff Garcia did last week. Beware of the Saints though, any success this season will be more a function of their schedule than anything else.
Pick: Saints -3.5


SEA @ CLE -1
Mazzone: I can’t believe the NFL scheduled so many other games the same day as the Super Bowl. Seahawks get their starting receivers back and I think that, combined with the Browns lousy defense will be enough to jump start the offense.
Pick: Seahawks +1

Durden: I was initially inclined to pick the Browns here, but a couple of things swayed me. First, the Browns haven’t beaten a truly talented team yet. Also, an already bad Browns defense will be without Ted Washington and D’Qwell Jackson, two of their better defenders. Finally, and most importantly, the Seahawks always seem to perform opposite how I expect them to. Let’s face it, Seattle is going to back into the playoffs again, but they still need a few more wins before they can do so. This will be one of them.
Pick: Seahawks +1


HOU @ OAK -3
Mazzone: Even the “fans” of these teams are trying to get the game blacked out so they can watch Pats/Colts. Schaub is still woozy from last week, but Sage Rosenfels is actually the perfect fit for the Texans right now. Since the offense is made up of 2nd and 3rd stringers he should have great chemistry with them. There’s not really a convincing argument for either team, so two things swayed me. One, last week two bad teams played and I took the home team and the three points, and lost. Two, the Texans have the Nigerian Jedi - Adimchinobe Wan Kenobi Echemandu.
Pick: Texans +3

Durden: The game that no one wants to watch! In Houston, people are writing and pleading that the Patriots/Colts game be shown. In Oakland, people are hoping enough people don’t go to the game, so that it will be blacked out locally and they can watch the Game of the Century as well. What? No one wants to watch Sage Rosenfels vs Josh McCown?! I bet that would change if they advertised it as the Gus Johnson game. Anyways, I want to get to that Patriots game, so give me the Raiders game.
Pick: Raiders -3


NE @ IND +6
Mazzone: You’ve heard all there is to hear about this game by now. Maybe I’m being stubborn, or letting my hatred for the Pats get the best of me, but I’m going with the undefeated, defending Super Bowl Champions… at home…plus 6 points.
Pick: Colts +6

Durden: Here it is, The Game of the Millennium of the Week AKA The Apocalypse. Funny thing is, I’ve been saying for weeks that the Patriots will beat everyone by at least 10 points, yet I’m still eagerly anticipating this game. As a Brady fantasy owner, I really can’t complain that they’re blatantly disrespecting each of their opponents, but I did tell Mazzone last week that it was a matter of time before someone went after Brady. Fortunately for the Patriots, they have 3 of the league’s dirtiest players on their roster, in Rodney Harrison, Mike Vrabel and Vincent Wilfork. Back to this game, I have to admit that I actually underestimated the Colts coming into this season, but I still don’t think they’re in the same class as the 2007 Patriots. As Coach Reilly once said: "It's not worth winning, if you can't win BIG." So…
Pick: Patriots -6

DAL @ PHI +3
Mazzone: While we all certainly wish flex scheduling was in effect and the NE/Indy game was moved to this slot, at least we still get a fun matchup on Sunday night. These games are always entertaining, especially in front of the raucous Philly crowd. It’d be nice to see the McNabb from early last season show up for this one in prime time, but nothing suggests he will so I’ve gotta go with the better team.
Pick: Cowboys -3

Durden: A judge who sentenced Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid's sons to jail on Thursday likened the coach's home to "a drug emporium" and questioned whether his adult sons should live there. I know Reid isn’t around a lot, but do you really need your parents to tell you not to smuggle drugs up your butt into jail? I don’t even know what the thought process could’ve been like, but it should’ve ended immediately upon introducing his anus into the equation. Speaking of assholes, you just know TO is looking to go off on Sunday Night Football, and I fully expect him to break out the Eagle in the endzone.
Pick: Cowboys -3


BAL @ PIT -9
Mazzone: I’m gonna step aside for Durden on this one as I'm sure he'll have plenty to say…
Pick: Ravens +9

Durden: As you should know by now, I don’t shy away from being objective about the Ravens. I’ve readily admitted when I’ve thought they’ve been too strongly favored, but this is one of those rare times, when I actually think they’re not being given enough credit. I know they’re only 4-3 and not better than their record, but this is the game they’ve had circled on their calendar since the season began. They went as far as to rest multiple players vs Buffalo before the Bye Week (which backfired as I feared), so that they would be as fresh as possible.

Basically, this game is the season if the Ravens are going to even pretend they have a shot at making some noise this season. I know it’s only Week 9, but their remaining schedule is absolutely brutal, and they’ve all rallied around this game. I have no idea where the points are going to come from since Stevie Wonder will be back under center, but I do have faith that they can contain Pittsburgh’s offense. In case you’ve forgotten, this is what happened the last time the Ravens went to Heinz Field .

Do the Steelers deserve to be favored? Absolutely. But the Steelers are also in for a fight, and unless they completely blow the Ravens out, they’re not covering. I guarantee that Little Ben hasn’t forgotten what the Ravens did to him last year (as you’ll see below), but who knows, maybe he’ll play an entire game against Baltimore for the first time in his career. It’s only his 7th career game vs the Ravens, but it’s about time he stick around to complete a losing effort.
Pick: Ravens +9

Spread 'em: Week 6 In-N-Out Challenge

My .500 record last week was good enough to cut Durden’s lead in half, to three cheeseburgers. Let’s hope that’s a sign of things to come and I’ve finally righted the ship.

This week’s story lines include:

**Donovan and the Eagles coming off their bye. McNabb can take comfort knowing that it’s not just white quarterbacks that the members of the media give preferential treatment to. I’m also anxious to see if he can find his receivers when they aren’t wearing powder puff blue and yellow.

**The Ravens giving more points than they scored all last game.

**Kellen Winslow telling Joey Porter he's an angry man that needs a hug.

**Deuce Davenport is in the news again, unfortunately it doesn’t involve a closet or a girl’s laundry basket this time.

**Trent Green is alive…sort of.

**The Saints needing a miracle...or a tragedy, to help turn their season around.

**Durden and I picking 5 of the 13 games differently.


**Oh, and there’s a game in Dallas that’s supposed to be pretty big.

So, here we go…Click Clack

Bengals @ Chiefs +3
Mazzone: I’m sure Chad Johnson is trying to figure out a way to upstage the TO/Moss battle. Hopefully he has something spectacular in store for his TD celebration this weekend. The Bengals can’t play defense and the Chiefs have a few guys that should be able to take advantage (Bowe, Gonzalez, LJ). Arrowhead is a tough place to play, but I think Carson and friends know they need this one and will find a way to light up the scoreboard.
Pick: Bengals -3

Durden: Tough game to start with, as I think both teams have had at least some bad luck with their schedules. Honestly, no one’s really got either team truly figured out. Give me the points and the home team, against a Bengals team without Willie Anderson, Jonathan Joseph and (maybe) Rudi Johnson.
Pick: Chiefs +3

Texans @ Jags -6.5
Mazzone: The Jags find a way to dominate time of possession despite the fact that their running game is the worst in the NFL at converting 3^rd/4^th down and less than 3 yards. They also have a league high 34% of their running plays “stuffed”, resulting in either no gain or negative yardage on first down and on downs two through four, plays resulting in less than 1/4^th of the distance needed for a first down. The good news is that the Texans are near the bottom at stuffing the run and stopping 3^rd/4^th and short running plays, so the Jags should have an easier time of it on Sunday.
Pick: Jaguars -6.5

Durden: I want to talk about how the Texans D is pretty good, but it let up 19 points to Miami last week. I want to talk about how every Jaguars game is close because of their vanilla offense and stifling D. Most of all though, I want to complain about another spread being too high. Then I’m going to pick it anyways, and still be pissed when I’m wrong.
See? - - - > Pick: Jaguars -6.5

Dolphins @ Browns -4.5
Mazzone: I’m excited for this one. The Dolphins passed on Brady Quinn as part of their plan to land John Beck in round 2. Now it’s time for Quinn to try and extract revenge. With Trent Green concussed again, all eyes will be on Quinn vs. Beck. The Ginn Family should have a bigger role with Hagan out, as well... What’s that?

Derek Anderson?…Cleo Lemon? Really?!
Oh, ok, never mind…
Pick: Ronnie Brown +4.5

Durden: Add fortune teller to the list of Jason Taylor’s many talents: "He'd better not get hit. One big hit, and he could be scrambled eggs." –Jason Taylor (speaking this summer about Trent Green). The real story being overlooked though, is Ted Ginn finally shutting up his critics. Who would have guessed that Ginn in just Week 5, would give this Miami team its biggest, most important play of the season? Well, his botched reverse play was just that, as it led to Trent Green’s concussion. You don’t exactly hear anyone pushing for Green to come back soon, do you? That will be looked back upon as a turning point for a team that was going nowhere fast, but in the meantime, I expect the Dolphins to at least keep it close again this Sunday.
Pick: Dolphins +4.5

Vikings @ Bears -5.5
Mazzone: The Vikings are clearly here solely for our entertainment. They brought us the love boat, the original whizzinator and now WWE in the locker room. Supposedly, Erasmus James threw a punch then Chester Taylor took a chair to James and put him out of commission for at least this week. The scuffle has been confirmed, the details have not yet, but I'm rooting for the chair rumors to be true. As if that wasn’t a bad sign in itself, Tarvaris Jackson likely returns to the lineup for the Vikings. You know what that means…
Pick: Bears -5.5

Durden: Difficult to like much about the (1-3) Vikings on the road, but they’ve at least been in every game they’ve played in. We know the Bears won’t be able to run on them, and I just don’t see Griese pulling away from them at any point through the air. This, combined with the Bears still being banged up on D, and it’s suddenly easier than I thought it would be.
Pick: Vikings +5.5

Eagles @ Jets +3
Mazzone: It’s a spell off! The J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! vs. E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles! The winner is the first one to correctly spell chrysanthemum. Since McNabb is well spoken (you know, for a black QB), and Pennington is spouting off things like this, "You hear the saying, 'More is better,'" Pennington told Newsday. "Well, sometimes less is better", I’m going with the Iggles. If you prefer logical football reasoning: Eagles are 8-0 under Andy Reid after a bye, the Jets pass D is ranked 25^th and is nearly identical to the Lions D that McNabb shredded earlier in the year with the exception that that Jets don’t pick the ball off like the Lions have.
Pick: Eagles -3

Durden: The Eagles come right back to Giants Stadium after the bye, and I think they’ll be more than ready for this Jets team. Thomas Jones is already complaining about a lack of touches, but you’re not going to beat this Philly team on the ground. Fortunately for the Eagles, we know the Jets’ air attack has been awful while Pennington’s been under center. I also anticipate that two weeks was enough for Philly to address its pass protection issue, though getting to the QB isn’t really a strength of the Jets’ either. Then again, what is really?
Pick: Eagles -3

Rams @ Ravens -9.5
Mazzone: The Ravens offense has scored five touchdowns in 20 quarters of football. Their wins have been by 7, 3, and 2 points against the likes of the Jets, Cardinals, and 49ers. The defense is still solid, but not spectacular, like it once was. To nobody’s surprise, McNair is going to try and play hurt. To everyone’s surprise, even I think the Ravens might be better off with Kyle Boller at the helm. I wonder if the Ravens realize how important these next two games are before their week 8 bye. Weeks 9-17 have this to offer up, in order: @Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Cleveland, @San Diego, New England, Indianapolis, @Miami, @Seattle, Pittsburgh. Ouch.
Pick: Rams +9.5

Durden: More easy money for anyone interested this week, as this Ravens team being the biggest favorite in any week is simply absurd. If it wasn’t bad enough that McNair continues to be the QB, injuries have now decimated the offensive line and it is now the youngest starting line in the league, with an average age of 23 and no more backups! The next youngest line in the league is Arizona’s, whose average age is 26. Steve McNair, what’s wrong with the offense? Is it your weak arm that’s led to only THREE 20yd+ completions??

"There are a lot of possibilities," said McNair, who has more turnovers (five) than touchdown passes (two). I think that's the thing that people look at. They want to see this explosive offense instead of seeing the fact that this team moves the ball down the field at their own pace."

UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
Pick: Rams +9.5

Titans @ Bucs -3
Mazzone: Last week, Vince Young couldn’t even lose when he tried to and now you’re going to give him points?!
Pick: Vince Young +3

Durden: The Bucs proved last week that their “strong” start was just a function of their weak opening schedule. They’re a team that can be run on by anyone, and the Titans offense will be more than happy to oblige, after an awful performance last week. Tampa’s weak offense would’ve struggled against a solid Tennessee D with Petigout, Cadillac and Pittman, but now they’re really up against it without those guys.
Pick: Titans +3

Redskins @ Green Bay -3.5
Mazzone: I don’t hate Brett Farve, I swear. I just think we should spend more time talking about his pain killer addiction and his refusal to be a mentor for Aaron Rodgers. Or maybe the interceptions that cost them the game last week? Or how he cheated on his wife with John Madden? Anyway, going into Lambeau without Santana Moss (might play) and Randle El (doubtful) would be bad news for Jason Campbell. The poise everyone’s been raving about (myself included) will be tested. Farve’s child-like love for the game and sheer determination should be able to will the Packer defense to rattle Campbell.
Pick: Green Bay -3.5

Durden: Anyone else excited to watch the Packer bandwagon go down in flames?? Maybe it’s out of spite, but I really do think it’s about time that teams figure out they can just wait out Favre mistakes. This game will be close, but I expect Washington to run on Green Bay and finally get Favre to the INT record.
Pick: Redskins +3.5

Panthers @ Cardinals -4
Mazzone: "I felt like my grandpa Monday. I felt like my dad today. Hopefully I'll feel like my 7-year-old son by Sunday," David Carr said regarding his injury. I’m not sure what to make of that, does his son wear dainty white gloves too? Well, if Carr is unable to go, it means Grandpa Vinny could get the call. Sure, the Cardinals aren’t exactly sitting pretty at QB, but with Jon Kitna’s Lions on a bye this week there’s no reason to think God won’t be in Kurt Warner’s corner.
Pick: Cardinals -4

Durden: God is a woman, and her name is Brenda Warner. Matt Leinart should’ve known better, and the Cardinal offense will finally be led by the better QB on the roster, on a full-time basis. On the other sideline, Steve Smith may actually kill Vinny Testaverde before halftime. Seriously.
Pick: Cardinals -4

Patriots @ Cowboys +5.5
Mazzone: I’m sure you’ve heard enough about this game by now. So I’ll leave it at this. The line opened at 4, moved to 5.5, and it’s probably not done going up. I wouldn’t mind if I was wrong, but this looks like free money.
Pick: Patriots -5.5

Durden: Much to the dismay of the national media, I think Romo’s MNF performance is conclusive proof that he is actually not the lovechild of Tom Brady & Brett Favre. The media was however helped out by Nick “Queer as” Folk and the Bills, who snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, and provide us all with an overhyped battle of unbeatens this Sunday in Dallas. The truth though, is that it’s too early in the season for the AFC to be embarrassing the NFC, and I really don’t think it’s fair. I’m not the only one who thinks so either, right Nate? "We've got a little place over here where we're running some whores in and out, trying to be responsible, and we're criticized for that" – Cowboy OG, Nate Newton.

Whoops, sorry. It’s already been a bad week for quotes involving legendary Cowboys, but like the late Jimmy Valvano once said, “if the quote works, use it.”
Pick: Patriots -5.5



Raiders @ Chargers -10
Mazzone: The Raiders have beaten the Dolphins, the Browns, and played the Broncos close. They ran for over 185 yards in all three games. Not coincidentally, those are the three worst teams at stopping the run. So, now the Raiders have had a bye week to prepare for a team that’s actually shown some semblance of being able to stop the run, but they’ll likely be without LaMont Jordan. This week will go a long way in showing if Lane Kiffin’s running game is legit or just the product of porous defenses. I’m going with the latter.
Pick: Chargers -10

Durden: Wow, I just realized that people have already knocked the Ravens spread lower than this game’s. Of course, I’m not sure the Chargers should be the most heavily favored team right now either, but at least they have a pulse on offense with LDT and Gates. They probably are back on track now, but I gotta see it again to believe it.
Pick: Raiders +10

Saints @ Seahawks -7
Mazzone: Archie Manning’s not walking through that door, fans. Deuce McAllister’s not walking through that door, and Hurricane Katrina’s not walking through that door.
Pick: Seahawks -7

Durden: Every week’s a guessing game with these Seahawks. Instead of trying to guess on them though, I just think it’d be fun to go with the Saints already playing the role of spoiler! On a more serious note, I do think that Reggie Bush will have a strong game, while Seattle struggles on offense without Branch. Give me the points.
Pick: Saints +7

Giants @ Falcons +3.5
Mazzone: NFL Schedule makers 1 – Mazzone 0. I’m taking a hiatus from publically criticizing the prime time matchups after last week, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it. Here's this week's token Peta reference.
Pick: Giants -3.5

Durden: As promised, another scintillating MNF showdown! This one has all the makings of Giants vs. Eagles, as the Falcons have lost both of their starting tackles. The over/under for Osi sacks is 2.5, but that’s subject to change once Fatwich enters the game.
Pick: Giants -3.5

As always, bet safely and BELIEVE IN FOOTBALL

Spread 'em: Week 4 of the In-N-Out Challenge

With last week’s 7-6-3 record, Durden moved to two games over .500 for the season (22-20-6). As severely average as that is, it’s good enough for a commanding and embarrassing six cheeseburger lead over me. Fortunately, the season’s 17 weeks long, and I’m reminded of a quote from a very wise man. “It’s not a race, it’s a marathon!” EXACTLY.

Between the Mets, Dolphins, and my pick’em record, I was barely able to muster up the energy to get through these picks. Hopefully Durden will pick up the slack with regards to the entertainment value…

So, the bye weeks are upon us, and none too soon for the kursed Saints. I’m anxious to see what happens. Does the kurse take the week off? Does it find a new target (temporary or permanent)? Do the Saints somehow come out of their bye week 0-4? Only time will tell…

As for the teams that are playing, here’s your ticket to free money...

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins -4
Mazzone: The Miami defense thought this week was a good time to hold a meeting to try and solve the crappiness. Travis Daniels claims they have, “Everybody got together today and had our talk and we know what we've got to do…We're going to be clicking on all cylinders.” Nice of them to take the time to sort that out, I feel much better now. Joey Porter’s guaranteeing victory, “Write it how you want to write it. We will win on Sunday.” While Cam Cam said we might get a look at Cleo Lemon this week…on special teams. “…I say everybody is available. Now, is Cleo Lemon going to run down on a kickoff? He might, but we're going to do whatever we think we need to do to win a football game.” Who the hell knows.
Pick: Dolphins -4 (planning a game preview for Saturday)

Durden: I'm really not big on players making stupid guarantees, but I'll let Mazzone touch more on that in his Dolphins' preview. The real storyline for me is Daunte returning to Miami, and while I think he could be capable of pulling out a win on Sunday, it would really add salt to the already painful wound that was last week's loss for Dol-fans. I won't be rooting for that, and I really don't feel strongly enough about either team here, so I'm just going to stick with the (TPS) home team.
Pick: Dolphins -4

Houston Texans @ Atlanta Falcons +3
Mazzone: I have a bad feeling about this one. Aside from DeAngelo Hall, the Falcons almost looked like a professional football team last week. Due to injuries, the Texans best offensive weapon is now a 4^th string WR with a dislocated finger, never a good sign. I know most are expecting a big day, but I’m worried Schaub could be in for a dogfight (too soon?) and may try to do too much in his return to the ATL. I still think the Texans are in it for the long haul, but they could trip here and need to get healthy on offense. In related news, Vick is doing everything he can to get back to football ASAP.
Pick: Falcons +3

Durden: I really do think the Falcons are due for a surprise win or 2 before their bye week. That's not exactly going out on a limb though, since any win for them would be a surprise at this point. I'd also like to think the Football Gods cut Falcon fans some slack here and let them at least beat Matt Schaub, but I just can't pick Yoey Harrington. Plus, I gotta give Houston some credit for hanging tough against the Colts last week.
Pick: Texans -3

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns +5
Mazzone: I ALWAYS get this game wrong. Over the last three years, I’d guess I was 0-6 against the number when these two teams play. In my defense, those games were quarterbacked by the likes of Kyle Boller, Anthony Wright, Steve McNair, Derek Anderson, Jeff Garcia, Charlie Frye – if you can figure those f#@*^&s out then you are a better man than I. Conventional wisdom tells me to just take the points and the home team, but since I’m always wrong on this game…
Pick: Ravens -5

Durden: I hate the Browns more than any other team, with only the Steelers even coming close. Instead of really getting into that though, I'll just leave you with a couple of recent quotes that will let you know where my head's at, regarding my pick.

- "That's what it smells like," Bart Scott said. "It's on a landfill that's toxic, and I think it gets to some of the fans' heads a little bit. They struck up the lake and put it on a landfill, and all of the algae and stuff is coming up through the end zone. "We're going to take some soil samples. Before I go out there and play on the field, I usually put some hydrocortisone on to make sure that I'll be straight when I hit the ground. They have a lot of staph infections out there.

- "Offensively, we couldn't get untracked," coach Romeo Crennel said. "Defensively, we couldn't stop them. They threw it, they ran it. We couldn't stop the run no matter what front we happened to be in. We were out of position a lot."
Pick: Ravens -5

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions +3
Mazzone: The focus will be on the QB change, where the Sex Cannon was moved to the bench in favor of Brian Griese, but the bigger problem going forward for the Bears will be the lack of healthy bodies on defense. Mike Brown’s on injured reserve along with Dusty Dvoracek, starting corners Nathan Vasher and Charles Tillman are both out this week (what do they plan to do against Martz’s 5 WR sets?), Urlacher, Briggs, and Alex Brown are all nursing injuries. In the past, it wouldn’t be a big deal to give some ailing players the week off with the Lions coming to town, but these aren’t your father’s Lions! I try to like Roy Williams but every time he opens his mouth he makes it damn near impossible.
Pick: Lions +3

Durden: Unlike Roy Wiliams, the Lions' defense is far from stingy. Hell, Bob Griese could probably suit up and do some serious damage on Sunday. However, the Bears' secondary (and defense, overall) is decimated with injuries, and that is especially bad news going on the road against the Lions' potent aerial attack.
Pick: Lions +3

Green Bay Packers @ Minnesota Vikings +2
Mazzone: I’m gonna let Darren Sharper’s comments in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel handle this one for me:
“Former Packers safety Darren Sharper said the Vikings are well aware that quarterback Brett Favre has a good chance of breaking an NFL record inside the Metrodome.
"Yeah, he does," Sharper said. "He's three away."

Sharper, of course, was referring to the all-time NFL interception record Favre is closing in on, not the all-time touchdown mark. Sharper picked off Favre last year for the first time in a 9-7 loss at Lambeau Field and would like nothing more than to add to Favre's career total of 275.

"The interception record? That's the only record I'm thinking about," Sharper said.”

I couldn’t agree more, in fact, I’m hoping that third INT gets returned to the house so I can make jokes about Fav-ruh breaking the INT and TD records on the same play.
Pick: Vikings +2

Durden: Similar to the Lions in Week 1, the Packers won't be able to run on Minnesota, but they probably aren't planning on doing much running either. You can think the Vikings stand a chance this Sunday, or you can think like Packer LB Nick Barnett: "I thought we could be 3-0. I think we could be 16-0." By the way, here's the latest of Favre-ism (courtesy of Sean Salisbury): "He's got the guts of a burglar." Gotta go with the Pack again, but please, wake me when this dream start of theirs is over. Pick: Packers -2


TPS LOVES (read: loathes) people gushing over Favre.

St. Louis Rams @ Dallas Cowboys -13
Mazzone: Most of the offensive line is incapacitated, or at the very least, banged up. Marc Bulger is playing with broken ribs, Tory Holt with a bum knee, Steven Jackson is out with a torn groin and Brian Leonard is on Keith’s fantasy team. The Cowboys have already proven they can put up points, while the Rams are 29^th in points scored and don’t play much defense either. Outside of just having a hunch, or thinking Jacque Reeves is lining up at all 11 defensive positions, there’s no real reason to think this one won’t get ugly in a hurry.
Pick: Cowboys -13

Durden: I have an angry plea for Nike, on behalf of many fantasy owners: STOP SHOWING THE STEVEN JACKSON COMMERCIAL. The next time he hurdles over anybody this season, will probably be the first. In related news, the 2007 St. Louis Rams are dead to me and they shouldn't stand a chance at Dallas, especially with an injury list that seems to be growing exponentially.
Pick: Cowboys -13

New York Jets @ Buffalo Bills +3.5
Mazzone: The Bills are a complete mess, but this video is encouraging as it shows Kevin Everett’s fighting spirit has lead to astounding progress in his recovery…
Pick: Jets -3.5

Durden: The Bills are another team that has just been crushed by injuries. The difference between them and the Rams, is that the Bills never had a chance to be good in the first place. Maybe it's a sucker bet, but I don't see how the Bills should be getting anything less than 7 against non-comatose teams.
Pick: Jets -3.5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Carolina Panthers -3
Mazzone: Say what you want about Tampa (and I have), but Chucky has this team playing some football despite a lack of talent. Combine that with the fact that there’s a good chance the guy on the right could be at QB for Carolina and it’s tough to like the Panthers. But, I’m really stubborn and refusing to buy into the Bucs, so…
Pick: Panthers -3

Durden: Ironically, a man known to some as Delhomo, may have drawn the ire of Village People fans everywhere. Jake, on coming out (of last week's game, not the closet): "It was just kind of bothering me a little bit," Delhomme said. "I didn't want to be macho." Unfortunately for Carolina, his backup has been seen exploring his femininity as well. I'll go with the team whose QB at least pretends he's a manly man's man.
Pick: Bucs +3

Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers +1.5
Mazzone: I have nothing to say about this one as both teams are uninteresting and playing poorly, but are somehow 2-1. However, I do have an amusing article on dirty and racist race horse names.
Pick: Seahawks -1.5

Durden: Apparently, it's true that teams in the Northwest are completely ignored, because Seattle is a team that Keith has quietly been sabotaging since they reached the Super Bowl. Can anyone else explain how a team who has only bolstered an already talented roster (in a weak division/conference), has managed to actually get worse since they were robbed of the Super Bowl trophy?? Alexander and Branch have been two of Keith's best players, but instead of laying low, he snatched up their Defense this week. Still, I think the Kurse gives him a break this week, yet the Seahawks will keep this one far more interesting than it should be against an inferior 49er team.
Pick: Seahawks -1.5

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Arizona Cardinals +6
Mazzone: TPS has been saying all along that the Steelers won’t get tested ‘til about midseason. While that should be the case, if there was ever a let-down game in the works it’d be right here. This game means a lot more to Whisenhunt and Grimm than it does to Tomlin. The Cardinals haven’t been terrible (11^th in total offense/14^th in total defense), they just can’t put a full game together. Maybe a little extra motivation and preparation, along with home field advantage, will be what they need to make this one interesting.
Pick: Cardinals +6

Durden: When I cited Brenda Warner's love for God in Week 1 while discussing Jon Kitna's potential this season, due to his similarly fanatical faith, it may have actually woken up the Warners. Maybe nobody deserves to even be in the same sentence as the Warners when it comes to loving God. I mean, since then, Kitna's suffered a concussion that required a miracle to heal and the Cardinals have created a platoon situation at QB. Dear Tiny Jesus, in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny, little fat balled up fists, please make the damn Steelers lose for once. Ah, who am I kidding? God punishes Arizona for not giving K-Dub the start.
Pick: Steelers -6

Kansas City Chiefs @ San Diego Chargers -12.5
Mazzone: I went to war with the Chiefs in my survivor/suicide pool last week. To show my appreciation for their comeback win, I’m giving them 12.5 points this week. Which is generous, because without it, they’d probably end up with 3.
Pick: Chargers -12.5

Durden: This game is as good as any for the Chargers offense to break out. I really think the line is too high here, but if San Diego does indeed go off, it won't matter against with the Chiefs' miserable offense.
Pick: Chargers -12.5

Denver Broncos @ Indianapolis Colts -9.5
Mazzone: Hopefully Javon Walker, John Lynch, and Jay Cutler are able to play at close to full strength, otherwise it could be a long day. But, I do think the Broncos are better than they’ve shown and they have the DB’s to be able to keep Peyton in check… as much as you can keep Peyton in check, anyway. If you’re not sold on the Broncos, here’s an article about Peyton Manning and his boyfriend.
Pick: Broncos +9.5

Durden: While the Broncos are as equipped to handle the Colts' pass game as well as anyone, and should be able to run well on Indy, I'm simply tired of Denver letting me down. In spite of their 2-1 record, I still think they're far better than they've shown, but they're going to have to prove it first. The Colts have been in some close games themselves, but they're a different animal at home.
Pick: Colts -9.5

**Note: We never see each other’s picks/write-ups until they are posted. The similarities in this one are uncanny, and yet we picked different teams, go figure.

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants +2.5
Mazzone: McNabb is coming off his perfect game, and the Giants off a stellar comeback. Has the Philly offense turned the corner? What about the Giants defense? It’s a critical game for both teams. A Giants win would turn the season around in a hurry as they’d be 2-2 with a schedule that shows five very winnable games (Jets, @ Falcons, 49ers, Dolphins in London) heading into their week 9 bye. What I don’t know is how effective B-rabbit will be with ailing ribs, if he plays at all. I also don’t know if McNabb will be able to find Curtis without the Non-hetero uniforms being on display. What I do know is Drew Brees is on a bye this week, and my cursed brother is a Giants fan that will be going to the game, you do the math.
Eagles 19- Giants 17 on the leg of David Akers 4 FGs including the game winner as time expires.
Pick: Giants +2.5

Durden: People said McNabb wasn't likely to be criticized after last week's performance, but I don't get it. Isn't he still black? Anyways, I'm actually going to be at this game and am very excited about it. Was Eli ever that injured to begin with? Regardless, he, Plax and Ward have really been the only Giants who have impressed me thus far, but if Manning has been throwing with a separated shoulder, he deserves more credit than he's gotten. For my own sake, I hope it's a close one but I would be surprised if the Eagles didn't win. This isn't to take away from New York's victory last week, but as much as the G-Men fought back, the Redskins were really pathetic in rolling over.
Pick: Eagles -2.5

New England Patriots @ Cincinnati Bengals +7.5
Mazzone: Good coaches win. Great coaches cover.
Pick: Patriots -7.5

Durden: After last week's game, Carson Palmer said he was "very disappointed not to get the ball back because we were going to take the ball down the field." Chad Johnson cockily added: "We could beat them on anything we wanted to beat them on." This was apparently on anything except in the game itself. Of course, I don't know why they bother explaining it because we probably just don't understand. It's probably only because I'm not capable of "understanding" the Bengals, but I see more of the same from the Patriots on MNF.
Pick: Patriots -7.5


Enjoy the games, bet safely (against me), and always believe in football.